Christina Aguilera: Lotus (Review)

Sometimes I wish I could shake the bijesus out of my favourite diva and make her realise that the world is not after her. But then again, in the thirteen years that she has been in this business, Christina Aguilera has thrived in the pain of having the bullseye painted on her. It is that angst and unapologetic retort in her verses that has inspired and empowered two generations of the bullied and the insecure. It has been two years since her album Bionic failed commercially, and along the way Aguilera has suffered through a divorce and a post-Burlesque weight gain which made her the butt of many a Twinkie joke. However, since signing up for a premium spot on the hit US singing competition The Voice, she has seemingly recovered from a bad streak and has cemented herself as a refreshed household name once again. For three seasons Aguilera has sat on her spinning red char, upping the ante for TV judging by being a veritable zeitgeist full of musical wisdom that has so far put her contemporaries into shame. After all, who would you rather feed advice from? Surely not fellow Musketeer Britney Spears- who despite being the most iconic popstar of the last decade, cannot carry a tune let alone sing live. The same goes for the likes of Jennifer Lopez, et al. She wants to inspire the new generation of singers the way she was inspired by Mariah, Whitney and Julie Andrews, and with that in mind, Christina Aguilera has brought forth her latest musical opus, Lotus. 

Christina Aguilera, Lotus (RCA)

Brimming to the full with the yearning to hit back at her critics, Aguilera delivers a new set of songs with an attack and gusto that Bionic lacked, albeit a little redundant at times. In 'Army of Me', she proclaims to have come out the last two years being stronger, wiser and more of a fighter than ever before, while giving a massive fuck you to her haters when she tells them to 'run around in Circles on my middle, middle finger'. Catchy, crass and oh so effective! When she's not fighting back, she's advocating a whole lot of love in synthy, surefire commercial dance numbers such as the fun lead single 'Your Body', 'Let There Be Love', 'Red Hot Kinda Love', and the island-flavoured 'Around The World'. Critics have accused the singing of copping Rihanna, but they seem to have forgotten that Aguilera has always played with reggae elements and her Latino roots since 2002. This seems to be the issue with the public and Aguilera. The world continues to hang tightly onto her sophomore record (the best one she's ever produced) Stripped, yet they forget that it was Xtina who continued where Madonna left off- paving the way for the Ke$has, Katys and Rihannas of the world, assless chaps and enough grease and dirt in tow. Needless to say, the pop diva belts out as loud as ever to wasail her way back to the throne she had left vacant since 2007. In the heart of the record, ballads such as 'Sing For Me' and the Sia-penned 'Blank Page' achieve this goal by highlighting Aguilera's vocal prowess against a minimal backdrop. Gone is the heavy-handed touch of Max Martin and instead Aguilera lets her voice raise to the rafters, each melisma executed perfectly as if to educate her new generation of protegeés in a Pop 101 Masterclass. The latter track offers the most sincerity, despite the lack of gentleness in her hand. Her passion remains as subtle as a gun. Even in the beautifully random duet with fellow Voice coach Blake Shelton, 'Just A Fool' showcases her take on scorned love in a country torch song. When she sings her 'whole heart comes out' both sonically and emotionally, and it is a signature trait that isn't too dissimilar to Streisand's ululating verses or Celine Dion's bizarre dance moves. She is often accused of substituting heart with vocal acrobatics but somehow the trade works in Lotus. Perhaps that is simply her chosen brand of soul. I'm sure the likes of Patti Labelle and James Brown endured their share of subjective criticism.

However, it is this aggressive vocal approach that lets Aguilera down at times in this record. Many fans adored her subtle tribute to Nina Simone with her cover of 'I Loves You Porgy' back in 2008, and though her oversinging tendencies was cut down to the bare essentials (relatively), Lotus lacks the technical gradation that a vocalist of Aguilera's calibre should be displaying. Mid-range, her voice has a fullness reminiscent of her idol, the late Etta James and a tone Beyoncé could only dream of. But the girl simply will not listen and therefore, her voice sometimes sound tired and strained, peppered and aggravated by the grit she has been working on for years. There have been rumours of Aguilera employing the help of a singing coach a few years back, to help prevent deterioration and preserve her golden pipes. I am one fan who would plead to her to go for it. When the years have gone and the auto-tuned pop-bots of today have all but vanished, I want Christina Aguilera to be somewhat of a Billie Holiday, or an Etta..or simply, herself. Secure, content and full of resolution in a career that has endured and stood the test of time, like the Lotus flower she continually wants to embody. 

Overall I would say that Lotus is a strong and solid record. It is perhaps the most commercial record Aguilera has produced since her musical debut, with no singular theme or genre as with the rest of her catalogue. She has thrown around the notions of 'rebirth' and resilience during promotional interviews and though not overtly, I agree with her idea. Lotus gives birth to a new Xtina; one who is ready to jump start a new phase of her career now that she has finally come full circle. I wouldn't say that it is a comeback record, but merely a great platform to begin a long term bid at a lasting career. Let's just hope that Miss Aguilera reigns in that voice in the future and drops her defence because she has nothing more to prove. She's said it herself in the past, so here's hoping that she finds the conviction in her words, 'Baby cease fire, throw down your weapons, I'm on your side'. 

RATING: 3.5/5

Gossip Girl Centennial!: Review

Last night marked the 100th episode of the CW's hit show, and one of my favourites of all time, Gossip Girl. As expected, big things happened, scandalous in fact, as the eyes of the world turned to the biggest wedding of the (US teen television) century.Queen Blair Waldorf is getting married!! I can't just sit here and say nothing of course. It's the centennial episode! Therefore it warrants the best review I have ever written...or perhaps, even the biggest rant to ever set off my 2012. Shall we commence?

After five seasons of rocking pristine hair, make-up and wardrobe, THIS is what they chose to do as her wedding day hair do? SERIOUSLY.

Firstly, I must say that in all honesty, the primary reason behind me watching this episode is the fact that favourite villain Georgina Sparks came back to rain on Blair's parade. That alone was worthy of the attention, especially since it seems Gossip Girl is just grasping at straws this season and needed something fun and INTERESTING to invite audiences back. In terms of the whole story premise, I knew Blair would have gone through with marrying Louis because otherwise, choosing Chuck right away would have just been too BLAH and redundant. YES, we know that Blair and Chuck are meant to be but since GG is still vying for another two seasons on air, they can't really have that happy ending just yet. As far as Dan and Serena are concerned, that storyline is as weak as Chace Crawford's ability to act. Next. I think it's safe to say that most of the plot was obvious, given GG's history. Of course Father What's-His-Name wouldn't succeed. Of course Georgina was only going to succeed by the skin of her teeth.

'Jesus owes me one.'

There were some welcome returns and great moments in this episode however, and all was not left to waste. I have been a fan of Dan and Blair's alliance from the beginning at the end of Season 4, and it pleases me that they have all but gotten strong this season. The fact that Dan has become Blair's person speak volumes on the maturity of her character, though to be perfectly honest, there was always a more stronger rapport between him and Blair than Blair ever did with Serena, in friendship or otherwise. Another welcome element was the inclusion of Blair's entourage. This of course includes Cyrus, Eleanor, Harold, and the Constance and Columbia bitches (ah..am I the only one who has finally grown to love and miss Penelope?). In light of the obvious weakness of the past couple of seasons, whenever these people appear in an episode, they always provide excitement even though they hardly ever act or participate. Their mere presence evoke the earlier glory days of the series and I must say that had they brought back Blair's heir apparent (still!) Jenny Humphrey and Nelly Yuki or maybe even Jonathan, it would have been a much better and more EXCITING episode. The wedding setting was beautiful and Blair's dress was to die for. I now am adamant that on my wedding day I too will have peonies everywhere. Obviously because it was a 'Royal' wedding, I have to take my hat off to the costume committee for pulling together a very suave, and well fascinated (get it?) wardrobe setting. Finally, I have to admit, I enjoyed the opening nod to Marilyn Monroe's legendary 'Diamonds Are A Girl's Bestfriend' number from 'Gentlemen Prefer Blondes'. They could not have chosen a much better indicator of how vastly different Leighton and Blake are as actresses, so for that one I say, good call!

LOL at the boys dancing! You could see Ed chuckling halfway through his gentleman routine.

Now on to the more unfavourable and disappointing elements of the episode. While it was a genius, albeit predictable, choice to welcome back Georgina as Blair's grey cloud, I think the writers failed to really optimise her character. You'd think that after being banished to Belarus, Georgina would have a much better plan than just leaking a recording of Blair's revelation and profession of love to Chuck online. They may as well have brought back Jenny Humphrey to at least make any attempts at sabotage doubly effective. God forbid, even Vanessa would have upped the ante. That's another thing. I know that Taylor Momsen has quit completely from the show, but how AWESOME would it have been to have her back? Either as a double agent who ends up turning on Georgina or to finally smack Blair off her pedestal after years of torture? She is the marmite of the series for sure, and I happen to love her character. I feel that out of all the people in GG, Jenny was the most potent yet very under-used figure and it is very unfortunate that the writers didn't do anything about it. Remember all the havoc she caused back in Seasons 1-3? Uhm, they were the best episodes of the series, and the Blair, Jenny and Georgina love triangle just WORKED.

'I could have made this shit better!'

As far as Louis and the royal Monaco party are concerned, I'm confused as to how far GG plans on keeping this storyline in. It's losing its touch and the worst they could do is embarrass Blair worldwide as a royal fraud, which obviously they won't do because if they did, there is no way that she could ever recover from that. I guess we shall see in a few more episode as the season closes for the summer. With regards to Dan, I have a feeling that Blair might explore that possibility again somewhere later on. If the writers decide to do so, of course we can expect Serena to butt heads with her bestfriend again. I know they already referred to Princess Diana and Dodi with the car crash, but maybe Dan can be a Dodi 2.0. Finally, I feel like the writers should include the Waldorf and Humphrey clans more. Yes, they are there and its great that Lily and Rufus helped in foiling Georgina's plan, but is that what they're reduced to now? Maybe we have exhausted any possible storyline for the families but since there aren't many interesting characters this season, the least they could do is expand more with who's left. It makes me sick to think that I wish fake Charlie 'a.k.a. Ivy Dickens' Rhodes came back. Which reminds me, OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH, the real Charlie Rhodes have resurfaced! Major family drama potential there, so we'll see how they work it in. Perhaps Nate will discover everything and out it on The Spectator?

Overall, I can say that the 100th episode of Gossip Girl was, OK. It's not the strongest or most interesting. Not by a mile. But I guess with what they have and what they have unravelled this far in the game, it was the best they could come up with. Back in Season 3, I started to feel that as they kept unravelling more and more crazy subplots, the thinner and weaker the series have become and I was right. Of course, as it should be with every series there should be a consistency, hence the Graduation and College and Adulthood being worked in the plot. However, character development aside, I really do feel that Gossip Girl is way past it's expiry date. They can't do anything that can top the first three seasons and it is unlikely that they will make it any better...unless they pull a Shonda and shock us with a shooter in a series finale a la Grey's Anatomy. 

Oh yes, before I forget. Georgina is not Gossip Girl. Or at least I don't think she is. She probably just hacked the website and tried to get her own back. I don't think GG is the type of figure who, even Georgina Sparks would be able to manipulate and not get punished for it. I assume, maybe since her shady 'loyalty' to Blair and Serena has been dampened by Serena's stint at blogging for The Spectator, she COULD have let G take the reins for a bit, but that sounds unlikely. 

What did you think of last night's show?

Black Swan: The Review

I have just finished watching the Black Swan, and I'm trying really hard to figure out how to begin this review. There is so much I have to say about it that my mind is muddled up as to what I should praise first.

Ok, I think it's better if I start with the word that summed up the film for me. 

Perfection. 

If there is any superlatives to perfection, somebody better give me it because I am out of words. Darren Aronofsky is a genius and with this he composed a great cast of extremely gifted and accomplished actors. Natalie Portman was simple astounding in her performance as Nina Sayers, while Vincent Cassel's portrayal of the tormenting Thomas Leroy was eerily seductive. Mila Kunis was equally provocative with her guileful Lily and Barbara Hershey was everything a controlling mother should be. Winona Ryder was also irrefutable as the aged prima ballerina, scorned and abandoned for the young ingenue, reminding us that the short pause in her career never tarnished her talent. 

A+ for Emma Stone!

Emma Stone's latest film, Easy A, is hands down the best teen comedy since Tina Fey's Mean Girls and John Hughes. Now, I really should say that it is the best teen HIGH SCHOOL comedy, because teen is too big of a genre. There was Kick-Ass, and Scott Pilgrim which were also very good, but I'm talking about your run-of-the-mill High School teen-bitch fest so in that field Bert V. Royal emerges as this year's victor.

Burlesque: The Review

When I first heard that Christina was scheduled to do her first motion picture, I peed my pants. When I heard that it was a musical film, I hyperventilated in a paperbag. When I heard that she was starring alongside Cher, I died and gone to Jack McFarlan's heaven. It was just a genius pairing isn't it? Of course I threw a little hissy fit when I found out that it was due out in the UK mid-December, which meant that when it came out on Thanksgiving, I had a month to wait for it and it was exasperating. Fast forward to today, when I finally got to see Burlesque with my friend Jess, it felt as though my Christmas was complete. The snow did not put a damper on my mood. In fact, it more like overcoming nature's hurdle and when I did make it to the cinema, nothing could get me down. Nobody or nothing stands between me and Christina. Not even muddy slush.